If You Would Have Understood

Instead of being a call center agent, I chose to be a writer. A homebased writer at that. I stay at home, I don’t have to wake up early and dress up and pay fare to go to work. I get what I want, but with a low pay, although I can choose to earn perhaps the same amount that I used to in the BPO industry.

Everybody should be happy that I’m finally doing what I love, right? Unfortunately, this one person thinks otherwise.

I’m upset that of all the people, you were the one who doesn’t understand.

What I’m doing isn’t easy. Does it appear easy just because I sit in front of my laptop all day? You may think so but it’s not. From time to time, yes, I admit that I check fb and play games from time to time, but that’s just to give my mind a break.

The risks of eyestrain, back pains, carpal tunnel syndrome, disrupted sleeping patterns, missed meals — I face them all, but do you hear me complain? I don’t think so. Yes, I don’t wake up early, I work in the worst clothes, but had it ever occurred to you that I do this because I believed my time with the family mattered more?

Wala daw akong naiitulong. To think that after paying for bills and utilities, every cent spared was given to them, and I had nothing for myself? When was the last time I had a haircut or a hair treatment? When was the last time I bought clothes? I was always stressed but when did I ever attempt to go to a spa? The last time I bought food, I shared it with the family. Now you’re telling me I helped you with nothing?

My mobile phone had no charger. But instead of shelling out money, I gave it to you. Did you thank me for that? I don’t remember anything. Were any words of appreciation uttered? I didn’t think so.

But again, did you hear me complain? No. Every complaint was said in silence. Every angry word was directed to myself. I didn’t want to shout. I didn’t like confrontation. I just let things be.

And this is what I get, after everything I’ve done?

I’ve worked for seven years in the BPO industry. I earned an average of 15,000 monthly. I would have been able to save, if not for the family. I would have invested on something, if I haven’t given everything to the family.

So don’t tell me I did nothing.

From now on, I’m going to be numb with all your complaints. I’d think twice before helping you with anything. After all, you think I’m a good-for-nothing bum.

(I apologize for the angsty message. I just want to release everything I felt without hurting anyone directly. If I offended you, I’m sorry.)

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